Responsible non-monogamy means a non-monogamous lifestyle or arrangement in which all the partners concerned are aware of and consent to the form of relationship -- thus it is distinguished both from traditional monogamy and polygamy, and from the practice of serial monogamy together with secret affairs which is the mainstream of present Western society. The term polyamory ``more loves than one" has become a generic term intended to cover all forms of responsible non-monogamy, and helps to emphasise that there is more than just sex at issue in non-monogamy.
The first part of the book is about `doing it' -- the practical experiences of people who have attempted to live in a polyamorous way. The second concerns `theorising about it' -- how non-monogamy relates to theories of sexuality, gender, religion and spirituality.
The history of non-monogamy has been hidden in much the same way that the history of homosexuality or of the working class has been concealed, since the history books have been written by and for upper class, heterosexual (in the West, usually Christian) men. Thus the book will attempt to uncover some of this history and describe historical antecedents for the current rise of interest in the polyamorous option, whilst recognising that previous versions of non-monogamy were often quite different in their aims and social context.
Bisexuality has often been regarded with scepticism and prejudice precisely because it appears to lead to non-monogamy: and this has been a greater challenge to many people than a different sexual orientation. Thus the recognition of the validity of responsible non-monogamy is actually a key element in the acceptance of bisexuality, and a number of articles in the book cover this subject. This is not to imply that every polyamorous person is inevitably bisexual, or even agrees with conventional sexuality labels, and the book also contains accounts from heterosexually and lesbian-identified people.
A wide variety of models for organising non-monogamous relationships exist and have been successfully applied. These include triads, polyfidelity (non-monogamous groups closed to sexual relationships outside the group), `line marriages', open marriages and distributed commitment. Personal experiences of triads, open relationships and distributed commitment, and of other forms, are given in the first part of the book. It is a point of contention in the poly community as to whether `swinging' can be regarded as responsible non-monogamy -- we think that it can be, provided that the choices made are negotiated and consenting. The article on group sex explores this area in more detail.
The second part of the book provides a historical and political context for non-monogamous choices, and describes some well-known and not so well-known precursors to todays poly community. Finally, we provide an extensive bibliography, a glossary of terms, and details of existing support groups.